I’ve had this blog for 2 years now, which is crazy to me. Thank you for being so amazing and supportive. This kinda shit is tricky for me to talk about but in effort of being brutally honest the domain is due to be paid for again, which is due in a bit over a week, And I currently don’t have the money to pay it. There is a truthful chance I may not be able to afford to keep this blog up. Once I am up and running financially again I promise I will repurchase the domain, so long as its not taken. I feel guilty, if that does happen I know this blog helps a few you. You’re always more than welcome to reach out (if you dont have a way of contacting me let me know). If you do feel like you want to donate there is a ‘buy me a coffee’ button somewhere near the side or bottom of your screen. Absolutely no pressure.
If I am not able to figure something out I will post another blog before the 10th(or 2!. But it won’t be the last you hear of me. I am in early stages of writing a book! (Though first I have to save up for a computer because currently I write using my phone or ipad…writing an entire book that way seems less than ideal)
Phew. That feels vulnerable to talk about. I hate asking for money, it makes me feel kinda needy, shame and guilt. I’m not entirely sure why.
There is nothing wrong with feeling sad/angry/ any of those ‘bad’ emotions that arent bad at all. We judge them, society judges them. They’re seen as weaknesses but I’ll let you in on a secret: the bravest, strongest people that I know allow themselves to feel these feelings, process and heal them. They allow themselves to be vulnerable, Because out of vulnerability comes massive growth, big change and bravery. It is important to find a balance, to get help when you need it, see a therapist who can politely point out some of your potentially dysfunctional behaviours and support you, teach you along the way. This shit is hard. It’s so hard. Especially when you add in your own trauma, pasts, abuse and whatever else. Its scary, its so easy to slip into ‘I’m not good enough/strong enough’ worries especially if, like me, you were gas lighted. But I’m here to tell you this: you’re doing better than you think. You are braver than you think. Are you kind to others? Do you have good friends? Family? Job? You’re doing great. If you dont have those things you’re still doing great. Always be kind to others, and to yourself. Here’s the catch: in order to be kind to yourself sometimes you have to remove people from your life. Or limit the time or reach they have with you. Not everyone will click with you and that’s okay. Even if it’s your parent. (Autocorrect wanted to make that parenot which I thought was funny) do you leave feeling exhausted, or bad about yourself? You don’t deserve to. You deserve people who make you feel good about yourself. Who have you back without question, but will point it out if you’ve gone off track or messed up. There is a way to be kind and cut people out, but chances are if they’re narcissists or toxic they won’t think you’re being kind. They wont leave quietly either, they’ll leave kicking and screaming. But that doesnt mean you’re wrong.
**update** domain has been paid so pending other charges I should be able to keep on posting! ♡♡ thanks for all of you who have ever donated on ko-fi (the buy me a coffee page ) it honestly makes a huge difference to me. (I am still I to save up for a computer so I dont have to write these with my phone lol ) I would like to try and make this a part time job so give this and my writing a book project more time so every little bit you send makes a difference and I have so much gratitude and love for you who do. (And let’s be honest for you who can’t donate too. You know I love you. )