I hate you, don’t leave me

I know I can be hard to be around.  Its become a universal truth that few hesitate to nail to the ground.  ‘Thank god youre not depressed anymore now we can be friends’, ‘you’re an overdramatic queen’, ‘Im disappointed that you are still the same woe is me selfish girl I knew in highschool’, ‘you’re getting in the way’, ‘youre bringing me down’ (yes those were said to me)  They were follow ups after being reassured ‘dont worry i won’t leave you’ ‘i wouldn’t do that ‘ ‘i care about you, you dont deserve that’, ‘i understsnd and have empathy’.  I know that I am a different shade emotionally than most, that I can change really quickly, that my darks are really dark and my lights are really bright.  But that shouldn’t mean my paint pallate is any less important.  But Im told by those that Im close to that Im a little too much. You falsely promised that you will stick by me. I hate you for lying to me. I hate you for causing me to hope that I will finally be loved for me, then telling me that I am the reason you are leaving.  When really you weren’t brave enough to give me a chance.  A chance to see all my layers, all the parts of me.  You didnt reassure me when I started to feel like i wasnt good enough to deserve your time. So then I started to tail spin and you get mad that im upset.  I may be brutally honest but its not common that people actually listen, that people dont get scared and run away, calling me names for being a normal fucking human being, with feelings that make sense.
I hate you but dont leave me, because against all odds I still care about you, so much its a weakness. I care so much about everyone I let them get away with anything because “I understand what it feels like to be alone”. I hate you dont leave me because I only hate how you made me feel. Like you punched me in thr stomach then yelled at me for flinching.

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