Dear You (letter to an abuser)

Its been a while, I apologize.  I wont give excuses, I did tell you I wasn’t great at the everyday posting thing.  Before I write this, know that its a big, scary step to do so.  If you’re in my life you might read this and get caught up on who it is.  Thats not the point, this is not a mystery novel where I’m asking you to solve my riddles. I’m writing this to get it out, because I know there are other people that feel the same.  It could apply to multiple people, multiple scenarios.  So, put away any pitchforks, any guilt, and listen. Please.

Dear you
I am your shadow.  I dream of a day when I’m looked at the way you are.   When my feelings matter as much as yours do.  When I can leave your side feeling like even half a human.   You are dangerous.  Because you fill with me with such a hope and a dream that would make me so happy I can’t even explain it.  But see, by now it’s just a hopeful foolish dream that I know by now will never come true. Because everytime this wee little seedling of a dream starts to sprout you take away the sunshine and it gets burned away.  This glimpse into the life I wish I could have from the life that was forced upon me.   You don’t seem to see me, you interupt me like my words don’t hold a meaning, act as if i don’t have any feeling, and this whole time you’ve seen me by your side as a selfish bully.  Meanwhile you’ve gotten away with emotional murder.   You turned your gaze away from the daggers in me, and you decided to join in the stabbing.  I devoted myself to you, to making sure you’re happy and healthy, turning my gaze from the abuse and manipulation you gifted to me in return.
To you, I will always be the scapegoat, who you will turn your gaze from, filling my heart with fake words,  making me feel small, alone and broken.
From, Me

There we go,  one more scary blogy step forward.
Over and out
Borderline babe.