Personality (Disorder) Wardrobe

Think of all of the little pieces of your personality, of you.  Think of all the contradictory parts, the values the interests, the habits.   Now imagine that they are a wardrobe.  Your job merits an outfit: maybe you leave the party pants at home, and bring along your passion, or your creativity instead.  Most people have a few items they might switch up, but generally you know, you have a sense of self, you know your values, your dislikes, your fears, passions.  Borderline personality disorder sometimes feels like some asshole with a can of paint and scissors tripped and tripled your wardrobe.

 

There are a lot of pieces of me, they are all me, but will change depending on my mood or who Im with.  When I’m with one person I tend to be more materialistic, wear more makeup, like nicer clothes, with I had a thinner body, but with someone else I will want to buy all my clothes at value village, never wear makeup, and can embrace my body the way it is.  There are times where I hold completely contradictory values, I feel like  completely different people.  In the emotional universe people with borderline are sometimes referred to as chameleons (what is with that spelling??) leaving a feeling of a lack of sense of self.  The part that felt so confusing is that theyre all still me.  Im not pretending to be anything Im not, I’m being authentically me.  The day I started seeing it as a wardrobe was the day thay everything changed for me.  Suddenly it made sense that I didn’t make sense, and that was okay.

As a culture we seem to have this idea that we have to constantly wear our ‘strongest’, most powerful outfit.  Newsflash though? (I mean is a ‘Brutally Honest’ blog after all) No ones perfect. Period. No one has their shit together, and being ‘strong’ all the time is boring.  Its boring because its not real, its all a front.  By ‘strong’ I mean the definition of it that we all seem to idealize: happy, confident, put together; strong, by my definition isn’t that.  Strong is being able to feel your emotions, be vulnerable, let yourself fall apart, being able to cry, being okay with not being okay.  There is so much beauty and authenticity in that.
Over and out, love.

(Also how fitting is that title? Personality Disorder, cuz Borderline Personality Disorder…..also my clothes are always all over my floor. (I literally rarely put them away) therefore its out of order…its a disordered wardrobe. Damn. Thats clever. Pats on the back for that one)

(Stay tuned I will be buying an actual domain name soon, so this site is ’bout to get official. probably something along the lines of Brutallyhonestborderline.com or something. I’ll keep you posted.  Thank you all so much for your continued support, I can’t express enough gratitude. <3)

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