This fucking week. My god. It was one of those weeks where one thing happened after another after another and by the end I’m here like “Is this some kind of joke? How did this all happen in one week? Like what the actual fuck. Anyway, I dug up one of my old poetry journals from when I was a kid, and I thought I’d share some today. Give a bit of insight into my early mind, trauma, emotional abuse and pain. A lot of it is depressing, you can see how much pain I was in, even as a kid, so brace your beautiful selves.
This first one is called ‘Lost in the Roses’, it was actually part of my very first song I ever wrote, but the song grew and the words were edited out.
Lost In The Roses (Age 12)
In a field of roses, here I stand
Lonely and blue
Searching for the path
The path to you.
I’m lost and blue.
Round and round and round in circles here I go.
Searching for you, but I can’t find you
Back and forth I went searching for you.
Help me I’m scared.
In a field of roses, here I sit.
Lost and hopeless
I searched and searched for the path, the path to you
but I could not find it.
These next three poems are all written around the same time I guess, I did edit the spelling, and some grammar cuz 13 year old me wasn’t great in English.
Can’t (Age 13)
She squeezes herself into the smallest spaces,
Because she feels that she’s not there.
She talks as quiet as she is able,
Because she knows that no one will listen anyway.
She tells herself she can’t,
When she hasn’t even tried.
She believed them
when they made her she feel she wasn’t capable.
So he puts herself down,
Before she ever gets a chance to get up.
She puts herself down
Because she can’t get up.
Have Faith (age 13)
Tragedy after tragedy,
Death after death,
Strike after strike of bad luck.
Tear after tear,
Smile after smile,
Laugh after laugh from the heart.
Life after life,
Grief after grief,
Worry after worry start to smile.
Light after light,
Hope after hope
Word after word please have faith.
Unnamed (age 13)
Never ending screaming,
On going cries,
Holds no self-confidence;
You can see it in her eyes.
Eyes red from crying,
Trembling with fear,
Turns her music up loud
And holds back her tears.
Can’t sing her song aloud,
Repeats it in her mind,
She wants to scream her silent screams,
And cry her invisible cries.