I’m sometimes suicidal. Even on days where everything is going right, it crosses my mind. Its not something I’ve planned out details, just something I day dream about, in a way. Not in a nice way, more like…day nightmare I guess. Just this underlying feeling that I don’t belong, I’m a burden, and don’t deserve to exist.
Continue reading “I’m Sometimes Suicidal”
Alright, these past few weeks have been kind of insane, but I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about it yet. I am going to tell you that I’m going to be in a Fashion Show for the first time tomorrow, one that promotes body positivity, and is a ‘fuck you’ to diet culture, anxiety, depression and I’m so excited to be a part of it. If you’re in Kingston message me for details. So what I’m going to talk about (rant on about) today is the residual effects of trauma and emotional abuse. Sometimes we don’t think much about the littler things that might come up as a result, and they can feel pretty…scary, and confusing. I often felt like there was something really wrong with me because of them, as if they are flaws. These are by no means all of them, just a few that have reeked havoc in my life. Continue reading “Bi-products of trauma.”
Friends are hard. So painfully raw, vulnerable, and they have the power to trigger so many emotional ghosts, leaving you(me, in this case) like Im never good enough. And you know what? My heart hurts. I feel like its sinking down, drowning, like its being crushed into a million pieces. I cant shake it, I can’t escape it. I wake up most of the time with it like painful alarm holding me down to the bed. Because it hurts to move.
Continue reading “BPD, friends, and never feeling good enough”